Robert Anthony Ingalls

Rob is survived by his two sons, Nicholas, 25, and Kaden, 17, and his grandson Baynks, 5 months.  He is also survived by his mother Pamela, brother Niles, his nieces and nephews, extended family, and lifelong friends who he considered family.  He was a carpenter and loved working with his hands.  He also loved being outdoors.  He will be greatly missed.  

Rob was...a legend; and he continues to be.  He was the playful, thrill-seeking life of the party.  He brought energy and magnetism and charm wherever he went.  A rare mix of insight, depth, intelligence, and silliness.  There were no shortage of stories with Rob, whether he was tellin' 'em or creatin' 'em, there was rarely a dull moment in his presence.  He had an uncommon decency about him, too - a kindness and care for those he loved or respected. 

The Eulogy:

I met Rob when we were 14.  Rob continued to be somewhere in my story, deep in my heart, and my biggest cheerleader.  Maybe without either of us realizing it, he helped shape the woman I am today.  He made me feel seen when life was messy.  He made me laugh like no one else could.  He made me feel at ease to be myself - he helped me come alive.  I can only imagine what good things he brought out in others.  That's why we're all here.  Because of how he made us feel when we were with him.  Each of us carries a story of Rob: laughter, encouragement, wild adventures, or moments of kindness we didn't expect. 

But alongside all of that, Rob also fought a decades-long war with addiction.  Many of us were close enough to watch it unfold, powerless to stop it.  Addiction isn't about weakness; it's about chasing relief, escape, numbness, or a high that quiets pain - until the brain's wiring is hijacked and choice no longer looks the way it used to.  Addiction is a chain that takes a lot of work and a lot of help to break free from. 

What I fear Rob didn't understand is that every person fights something.  Maybe if he'd truly known that he wouldn't have felt he had to carry his burdens alone. 

Anger is valid.  Grief is valid.  Exhaustion is valid.  And so is love.  Love never fails. 

Getting to be the mother of one of his children brought me more joy than I could have ever thought possible, it also very much shaped who I am, and was a magnificent, unexpected blessing all its own.  Rob loved us the best he knew how to - and tried to protect us from the world he had chosen.  Rob loved all of his family, and he loved his boys more than I think even he understood.  The addiction was the intruder, the thief, the liar. 

I love Rob, and I hate the chains that sole him from us.  But Rob's story is not defined by addiction.  It's defined by the people he leaves behind, by the love he gave in the ways he knew how to, and by the pieces of himself that live on in us. 

Hebrews 12:1 reminds us that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, and it encourages us to lay aside everything that entangles us so tightly, so that we can run with endurance the race set before us.  I believe that Robert Anthony Ingalls is now free of his chains - part of that great cloud of witnesses - cheering us all on as we finish our races.  

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